23 March 2014

grieving for Paul ~ posted by Melissa

warning: sad post ahead that has nothing to do with yarn...it's okay if you choose not to read it

 (picture courtesy of Spencer Wallace Photo ~ thank you so much Spencer for allowing me to use it)

It's been a little over a week now since lives in our neighborhood changed forever.  Nine days of sadness and remembering what happened that night.  You can read about it ~ here ~.  My heart and mind like so many who were there that night are still completely fractured.  So many strangers' paths crossed in that instance and we are now bonded by tragedy. 

I find myself grieving still.  Grieving...

For Paul ~
a young man I never knew
For the parents ~
who have lost a precious son
For the brothers ~
who were three and now are two
For a girlfriend ~
whose anguished screams pierced and still echo in my heart as she watched her boyfriend leave this earth
For the brave bystanders ~
for they will always recall their valiant, courageous efforts to save a stranger's life (I am still awed by the immediacy that you began CPR and how long and hard you tried to keep Paul here)
For neighbors ~
like myself, whose lives are forever altered by the things we saw and heard that night (much of which is so gut wrenching that I cannot and won't share it ~ be thankful for what you don't know about what happens inside the yellow tape...)
For the friends ~
and friends, and more friends ~ some close and some not so close like Spencer Wallace ~ who have been stopping at the memorial...day after day, hour after hour...to come together and try to understand and deal with the loss of one so young and in their circle
For the responders ~
the police and firefighters and paramedics and investigators and tow truck drivers ~ who deal with these tragedies today and tomorrow and tomorrow and yet have the strength to bury the raw emotion that comes with their jobs and get up and do it all over again the next day ~ how do you do it?
For the 911 operators ~
who take frantic phone calls from people like me and whose job it is to listen to the frightened panicked cries of help from a caller who is watching someone die before their eyes
For the boy who ran ~
I do feel grief even for him...you ran past me in the street that night...why did you run?...only you know and I'm sure you have to think about that fact every minute of every day...my heart breaks for you as well
So many people, so many lives were touched by you on March 13, 2014, Paul.  So many people tried so hard to keep you here and I know I will always remember you even though you are gone.  We have all been bonded together eternally.
Rest in Peace, Paul Linari.  You will be missed.

~Paul's obituary and memorial service information can be found here~


  1. Well darn it, that is just so sad. I am sorry Melissa, you, his family, loved ones and the world, which as lost another young man who didn't have a chance to grow old.
    Hugs to you.

    1. I thought about you as well when I posted this today, Tracey. I remember your post last year about your son's friend and how he died ~ I think writing about these things does help us to heal. I went back and forth all week about whether I wanted to speak about it but finally decided not writing about it was almost like not acknowledging that it happened.

      Thanks for weighing in ~ I hope what you shared about your son's loss helped your heart to heal.

  2. Wow thank you for this.....I have known this family for many years. So very sad for everyone involved.

    1. You are so welcome ~ I mostly did this because I need to work through what I saw and all I know to do is write, but I've noticed the post has gotten over 500 hits just in the few hours it's been up so hopefully somebody besides me will benefit from it?

      thanks for stopping by, Donna ~ I'm sorry for your loss as well

  3. So sorry for such a tragic accident, makes me sad that bad things happen in life. I hope you, your family, your neighborhood, community and that boy's family and friends find the comfort they need.

  4. Oh that is horrible. I witnessed an accident like that I know how it shakes you. My husband has to deal with things like that on a daily basis at work. I don't know how he does it.

  5. So, so sorry to hear this. I will add this young man, and all who knew him, or were affected by this accident, to my prayers. The world has lost way too many young people this winter to tragic accidents. All of them, the same age as my own daughter, at 21. I will especially pray for the parents.

  6. So sorry you have had to go through this sad ,sad accident, It is always a hard fact to realize how human we all are and how quickly it can all end. Knowing the caring wonderful person you are I'm sure this is very hard for you, I will pray for you and for the young man's family that you may feel a peace and know that God always has a plan. May Paul rest in peace. Hugs and Blessings, Trudy

  7. Cindy Linari would like to use your poem in her son Paul's memorial program. Could you please cal her at 425-347-6874. Thanks, Anne Linari

    1. Hi, Anne ~ I would be honored to have any part of what I wrote used in Paul's memorial. Please pass the message along to Cindy if you read this. I may have my husband call her tomorrow ~ just reading your comment brought on a new wave of sorrow and I'm not sure that I am able to talk one on one with her right now...it's still incredibly raw and I'm afraid that my emotions would prevent me from carrying on a conversation and I would hate to make what she's going through worse by her having to deal with the mess I am right now.

      I will try to call her if I can gather myself together tomorrow enough to speak to her ~ if not, my husband will try to get ahold of her.

      I'm so sorry for what your family is going through right now. I know it's hard enough being an outsider so I can't even imagine what a difficult time this is for all of you.

      Thanks so much for contacting me ~ tell her she will hear from us tomorrow for sure.

  8. What a moving post, Melissa. Lovely tribute! So sorry for his family, friends and community. Always so tragic when a young person dies. I pray his family finds comfort in the love and kindness around them.